At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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