Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
