My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
