she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
