i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
