Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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