In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
