If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize