Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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