I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
