Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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