I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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