I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Randomize
