A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize