I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
