bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
His hands were made for my vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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