they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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