someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The best revenge is premature balding
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
