I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
