I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
