don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize