So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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