Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
