who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
