I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
