We're like a lot better than the average bears
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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