So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
