just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she peed on how many people?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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