May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
