There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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