You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
