it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
