Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i drank out of a bidet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize