if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He better not be in your backpack
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
