A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
