call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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