I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
