I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Where is the hickey?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
