Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
