Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize