You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize