Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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