Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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