U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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