rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
