I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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