found the other keg... it's in the tree
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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