I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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