I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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