the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
