They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
