Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize