I bet he comes in French.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The ass gains better be worth it
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