you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
