dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
