pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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