I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
