Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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