he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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