My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize