I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
