Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize