Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
