Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
