and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
