Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
