there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
